AN INTERVIEW WITH COWBOY JOE, QUAKE, AND DAVE HOOKER
JV: Mine would be a Siberian tiger, because obviously it’s a beautiful animal.
SM: Does it have to be Siberian?
JV: No, it can be a tiger. I mean, they’re all endangered, right? They usually stick to themselves – they hunt alone; they hunt at night.
SM:Mine’s a penguin because I just waddle through life looking for the next iceberg.
DH: I would say I’m a liger because I’m the best of a lion and a tiger.
DH: I mean, the best is undoubtedly Superman.
SM: Aquaman. Have you seen the way he calms those bull sharks? It’s crazy.
JV: Superman is definitely not the best superhero. I don’t even really like superheroes; I’m more of a villain kind of guy. I like Venom, Ghost Rider, the Punisher.
DH: Superman would destroy all three of those at once. It wouldn’t even be close.
SM: You wouldn’t even believe what Aquaman would do!
DH: Laundry. Because with dishes, you do them, you’re done, you’re proud of yourself.
SM: Laundry never ends at my house. Bless my wife’s heart.
JV: Dishes. Because I don’t want other people seeing my drawers.
DH: It also depends on how long the dishes have been sitting there. Like, have you ever forgotten about them, and left on vacation, and came back … It’s bad news.
DH: Uh, I’ve been a cheerleader for a day. It’s when everyone found out I had red armpit hair. It was a bad day. So, I guess I would go mascot. (No pictures of that exist, by the way.)
JV: But you could also just be a male cheerleader.
DH: No, if I had to wear the miniskirt, you have to wear the miniskirt.
JV: If it was with USC or Oregon, I’d be a male cheerleader. Anywhere else, I’d be a mascot.
SM: I was a rifle team member, never was a cheerleader. So I’m going mascot. Something with “fighting” in front of it, or a “hustling tiger.” I always thought that was cool.
JV: 50 to 100, somewhere in there. A lot.
DH: See, I’m really more of a wing guy. I can’t even remember the last time I’ve had a burger.
JV: It’s been at least a few hours for me.
SM: I have two before every high school Friday night game. Easy 50 over the season.
JV: I’d rather win the Super Bowl. I just think it carries more merit – I mean, the Heisman trophy is pretty important – but there are a lot of Heisman winners that you have no idea where they are now.
SM: I’ll say Heisman, because I want to be a part of that Heisman house that they have, hanging out with the dudes, the bros.
DH: I would say Heisman, because I would hate to be the backup long snapper and not play in the Super Bowl. I would have wanted to earn it.
JV: Well if I win the Super Bowl, I would have earned it. I would break a 99-yard run, for the win – something like that.
SM: With your speed, that makes sense.
DH: I’d probably like to be Prince Harry. Actually, I want to be William – the one who gets to be king. Harry’s like a backup quarterback.
JV: Well, the backup quarterback has a nice consolation prize.
DH:I want to be king.
JV: Over easy. There’s no other way.
SM: Scrambled with cheese and bacon bits.
JV: There is another way!
SM: And it’s got to be American cheese.
DH: First of all, I can eat any kind of eggs. But the number one way, if you happen to be at a place serving biscuits and gravy, is to have your eggs topped with sausage gravy. With Tabasco. It’s completely bizarre.
JV: I would say, “Girls don’t bite.”
I was pretty shy in high school. Then in college, I blossomed!
DH: I would say, “Just don’t even think about the whole business school idea.” It’s two years of your life you’re not going to get back. Of all the classes I took, maybe four helped?
SM: I would say, “Learn how to stop and smell the roses more.” I think too many goals can be distracting. Just having that certain drive to accomplish things, and then when you accomplish it – on to the next thing.
SM: Playing harmonica in a band called Doctor Fur. We haven’t played in two years.
JV: Let’s get the band together, man!
DH: Guns N’ Roses took like a six-year break. But me, I’m actually an incredible singer. They’ve heard me do the first couple bars of the Star Spangled Banner.